How to Know When It’s Time for Couples Therapy

Relationships go through seasons, times of connection and ease, and times when everything feels harder than it used to. For many couples, especially those navigating recovery or healing from trauma, there’s a moment when they begin to wonder: Are we okay? Or do we need help?

If you’re asking that question, it might already be time to reach out. But knowing when to start therapy can help you take that step with clarity and confidence.

1. When Conversations Feel Like Landmines

You start with the best intentions, but small disagreements quickly turn into arguments or silence. You find yourselves looping through the same fights, saying things you don’t mean, or avoiding certain topics altogether.

In these moments, the issue isn’t just what you’re talking about—it’s how your bodies and nervous systems are responding. When stress, fear, or old wounds take over, communication breaks down. Couples therapy helps you slow down these patterns, repair misattunements, and learn to stay connected even when it’s uncomfortable.

2. When Trust Feels Fragile

Whether it’s rebuilding after betrayal, managing the effects of addiction, or healing from trauma, trust can erode quietly. You might notice yourself walking on eggshells, keeping score, or feeling uncertain about your partner’s emotional availability.

Therapy creates a safe, guided space to name the rupture, understand what led to it, and begin restoring trust. Not as blind faith, but as a practice of consistency, accountability, and openness.

3. When Recovery Has Changed the Relationship

Recovery, whether from addiction, trauma, or major life transitions, reshapes how we relate to ourselves and others. One partner’s healing can bring new clarity and boundaries that the other isn’t used to. Or one person may be growing faster than the relationship can hold.

Couples therapy supports you in finding a new balance: one that honors each person’s healing while strengthening the “us.”

4. When Intimacy Feels Out of Reach

It’s normal for desire, affection, or emotional closeness to ebb and flow. But if it feels like the two of you can’t find your way back, if touch feels distant, conversations stay on the surface, or you feel more like roommates than partners, therapy can help you understand what’s in the way.

Often, it’s not a lack of love. It’s unspoken pain, protective distance, or fear of vulnerability that needs gentle attention.

5. When You Want to Grow, Not Just Cope

Couples therapy isn’t just for relationships in crisis. It can also be a space to deepen intimacy, strengthen communication, and create a more conscious partnership. Think of it as relational maintenance—the same way you’d tend a garden before the weeds take over.

What Happens in Couples Therapy

In my work with couples, I integrate Relational Life Therapy (RLT), Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, and Internal Family Systems (IFS) to help partners understand the deeper patterns beneath conflict. We focus on:

• Recognizing protective parts and trauma responses that shape communication

• Building emotional safety through body awareness and attunement

• Learning how to repair conflict and restore connection in real time

Therapy becomes a place where both of you can be seen, not just for what’s going wrong, but for the effort you’ve already been making to stay connected.

If You’re Wondering, It’s Probably Time

You don’t have to wait until things fall apart. Reaching out for help is an act of care for yourself, your partner, and the future you’re trying to build together.

If you’re ready to begin, I offer couples therapy in Bloomfield, NJ, and online throughout New Jersey and Oregon.